By Debra Rich Gettleman
Raising Arizona Kids, August 2010 Issue
There’s this really sweet mom I know. Let’s call her Kathy. Our boys were in the same second grade class. She’s one of those extremely competent types, always cool, calm and collected. I’d never heard her express a negative sentiment—until one day before our “Fit Factor” class at the gym.
“I cannot cope with this whole peanut butter ban at school,” she said. “I mean, peanut butter is the only source of protein my kids eat. Now, because of some kid’s alleged allergy, I have to stop sending anything peanut to school. It’s ridiculous. This whole allergy thing is totally bogus.”
Kids need to learn how to tolerate each other’s likes and dislikes, she continued. Lots of kids have dietary requirements, but that shouldn’t punish the rest of us. Her kids are quite capable of eating peanut butter without smearing it in the faces of other children or spreading perilous peanut fumes to innocent bystanders.
I have to say, she had a point. By the time kids are in elementary school, they really ought to know how to protect themselves from exposure to such a common food. I’m used to the whole anti-peanut bias, having been forced to observe a peanut ban early in my boys’ preschool careers. But I, too, was a tad resentful at first. I had just discovered the joys of Smuckers’ pre-made PB&Js when I was told that they would no longer be acceptable lunchtime fare.
Kathy said the school suggested she substitute soy-nut butter for her children. “Call me crazy,” she said, “but I don’t think boys ought to be eating soy at all—what about all of that hormone-related stuff?” I made a mental note to discard all of the MorningStar Farms frozen corn dogs and chickenless nuggets in our freezer. Why hadn’t I thought about that?
“Plus,” I added, “Soy-nut butter tastes gross. At least that’s what my kids say.”
Are there really kids who die from anaphylactic shock if they’re in the same room as a peanut M&M?
Not many. According to the Centers for Disease Control, there were between 12 and 20 deaths due to peanut allergies in 2007. Contrast that with 1,347 children killed in motor vehicle deaths reported by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration in 2008. Should we outlaw riding in cars?
Even if we eliminate peanuts from every classroom in America, there will be items cooked in peanut oil, foodstuffs processed on peanut-tinged conveyer belts, even peanut dust on classmates’ clothing. It’s impossible to completely shield allergic children from such a commonly used food item. So maybe we’re taking the wrong approach.
Instead of trying to ban peanuts, maybe we should teach kids to say, “No thank you, I don’t eat peanuts,” or embark on a respect campaign to teach young ones to better honor each other’s differences. Maybe we should have separate (but equal) eating locales for peanut-allergic students and train teachers to use easily accessible EpiPens for emergencies.
My kids keep kosher and one of the rules is that you cannot combine dairy and meat products. But that doesn’t mean I expect the rest of the world to stop serving cheeseburgers. My kids know what they can and cannot eat. When they aren’t sure, they confidently inquire about ingredients and follow their religious laws accordingly. If anything, it’s empowered them to know that they can take care of themselves.
We want to protect our children from danger. But there comes a time when children need to learn how to protect themselves and live in a real world where not everything centers on them. We can’t remove every peril from our kids’ lives. But we can teach them how to be smart, proactive and practical as they confront the hazards and challenges inherent in growing up.
This article originally appeared in Raising Arizona Kids magazine and is reprinted with permission of the publisher. https://www.raisingarizonakids.com/index.php?page=1.library.article_view&ar_id=1357
Hmmm. Interesting. How does a kid "protect him/herself from exposure" if they are eating lunch next to a kid eating a peanut butter sandwich? It's just too easy to "contaminate." We all know kids don't sit still, especially during lunch. Their little hands are everywhere. Not that I love it, but I've watched my kids in the lunch room innocently playing with their friends, covering each others eyes, mouths, ears, and touching each other. What if a peanut butter eating kid gives a peanut allergy kid a high-five after lunch without hand washing first? Yes, it's that easy to send an allergic kid into a reaction.
ReplyDeleteWhile I do sympathize with the rest of the population that relies on peanut butter as one of the few things my kids will eat, I don't think it's a fair analogy to compare it with keeping kosher. Keeping kosher is a choice with no adverse effects if a piece of cheese is accidentally slipped into a turkey sandwich. God will forgive you. With allergies it's not as easy as saying, "No thank you, I don't eat peanuts" or being in the same room as a peanut M&M. There's a little thing called cross-contamination. It can be easily done without even knowing it. Take a microbiology class.
Motor vehicle accident analogy not so good either.
Peanut allergy kid + peanut contamination = possible death if no treatment. No choice here.
Kid + car ride = possible death against the odds. One can choose not to put their kid in a car.
What is the number of kids who ride in a car each year compared with the number of kids who have peanut allergies? Wouldn't one expect the motor vehicle accident death number to be higher than the peanut allergy death? I think the more educated way to use that analogy would be to look at the percentages of each. Of course, then it might not be an analogy at all.
While I'm sure Ms. Schwarz has probably explored this, I do like Ms. Gettleman's reference to a peanut eating section at school. Maybe kids in the peanut section wash their hands after lunch while staff wipe down the tables. Could be worth exploring.
Finally, I agree we can not protect our kids from every malady in life. However, I don't think you can rely on elementery age children to effectively respect their peers with allergies, despite good intentions. You can see by some of the comments made by adults in the Gettleman article that even adults don't really understand how it works. Unless all the kids and parents choose to educate themselves or are required to take an allergy or microbiology class how could they? How about compassion for another mother who is trying to keep her kids alive until they are old enough to choose where to eat lunch and administer themselves an epi pen if need be?
From a reader of Raising Arizona Kids Magazine who sent this to the magazine in response to the articles . . .
ReplyDeleteI was reading the August 2010 issue last night and read with great interest and compassion the story of the Schwarz family and their food allergies. I approached the story as an outsider because no one in my family of 5 has food allergies. I do, however, know several families with children allergic to one thing or another and when in the presence of those families we simply refrain from eating anything that could cause a problem. It's quite a small sacrifice to make.
I then flip over to the next story written by Debra Rich Gettleman and her, quite frankly, ignorant response to her normally competent, always cool, calm and collected type friend who doesn't believe that peanut allergies exist. They obviously do exist as Gettleman herself cited the number of deaths due to peanut allergies as between 12 and 20 in the year 2007, according to the CDC. But perhaps we shouldn't confuse Ms. Gettleman or her friend with the facts.
I'm surprised and disgusted that your publication, a publication geared toward helping families raise their Arizona kids finds that 12 to 20 deaths in 2007 is acceptable when compared to the difficulty these people apparently have in finding something else for their children to eat. Her comparison to eating Kosher is laughable as I'm quite confident that the CDC has no deaths associated from mixing milk and meat at the same meal. What an ignorant comparison to make as she attempts to relate it to life and death. Perhaps Gettleman and her cool and confident friend should attend the next funeral of the child who simply wasn't smart enough, proactive enough or practical enough to avoid the Smuckers pre-made sandwich and unfortunately found themselves up against the selfishness of others because they were too lazy and too insensitive to make their own child something else to eat. A child, mind you, that can eat whatever they want with no health risk whatsoever.
I just cannot believe that you would publish her words as they were written. This woman does not do your publication justice and I'm appalled that you would give her a forum with which to speak. Shame on you. And shame on her. Lord help her own children if they ever develop a health situation that requires the compassion and maternal instinct that she is so obviously lacking.
This issue begins with your editorial on how everyone needs a mentor and the difference a compassionate and mature person made in your life. Read between the lines of the story written by Mrs. Schwarz. How lonely it must be for the parents of children with a "not so obvious" but yet debilitating problem like food allergies. She's asking for compassion and understanding, trying to give the people like you and me and Ms. Gettleman the knowledge needed to help her children survive. You completely negate the importance of her story by publishing Gettleman and her rant. The cover of this issue alludes to 'making a difference in the life of a child' and 'preparing your special-needs child for the first day of school'. You did such an injustice to the the Schwarz family. And don't cite that your publication does not always agree with the views of its writers. You placed Gettlemans piece directly behind Schwarz's and the reader is left with Gettlemans' view and clearly she is not interested in making a difference in the life of a child. Let's hope that the majority of your readers are more interested in raising unselfish and compassionate kids and that whether or not they got to eat peanut butter in the lunchroom will be the last thing on the minds of these kids.
Sue
If Ms. Gettleman or her subject, “Kathy,” had a child with potentially life-threatening allergies, or another serious health condition, I think they’d be singing a different tune.
ReplyDeleteI’m all for honoring and respecting difference, but keeping Kosher is NOT the same thing as a food allergy. One can be a matter of life and death; the other is not.
In addition, I’m all for teaching children with allergies how to protect themselves against the dangers that various foods, locations and situations present. In fact, I think it’s essential, and you’d be neglectful, if you didn’t. I have a young son with special needs, and every day, my husband and I work hard to empower our child to take care of himself. But you know, kids are kids; they’re not mini-adults. And I don’t think kids should be saddled at school with the daily responsibility of protecting themselves...not to mention the worries that accompany that responsibility. Growing up is hard enough as is! I think the adults must bear some responsibility, too. Is it really *that* difficult or *that* much of an inconvenience to keep these allergens out of our kids’ schools? I don’t think so!
Not only that, but I’m guessing that if the author keeps Kosher, then she’s fairly religious, or at least a practicing Jew. I am also Jewish, and we Jews are supposed to help one another. We’re supposed to perform acts of loving kindness. We’re supposed to give back to the community and help repair the world. But, are we excused from doing those things when it’s not convenient?
Her comparison to traffic deaths bothered me as well. Okay, so maybe you have epi-pens available to save your child’s life, but do you really want your child to have to endure the experience of an allergic reaction?
How would these women feel if they were the direct cause of harm to your child? Do they not have a conscience? I would feel horrible. I mean HORRIBLE, if I put a child into such extreme danger. What if they were to witness an allergic reaction? Perhaps they’d think differently.
I will try to keep this brief. When my son was in Kindergarten a child chased him across the cafeteria with a peanut butter sandwich. Well, that was Kindergarten, in a different school, surely we won't worry about dealing with that kind of thing now he's in 6th grade! Yes we do need to worry! My son sits at a "nut-free" table in the school cafeteria at luch time, but the school allows children to have morning snacks in the classrooms. A boy, who used to sit with my son at his "nut-free" table in the cafeteria, for lunch every single day in 3rd grade, decided to smear peanut butter (from his fingers) onto my son's shirt sleeve during morning snack time. We don't know why he did it. If he sat with my son every day for an entire school year, and asked his Mom not to pack pb&j for him (just so that he could sit next to my son), then why would he do this just 3 years later. He wasn't angry or being malicious, he wasn't trying to make the other kids laugh. We have no idea why he did it. We're hoping the Principle will find out once he talks to the boy and the parents. Yesterday, we met with the Principle about further educating the 6th grade teachers,since they are not being vigilant enough. Even though the classrooms all have "peanut-free" signs posted on the doors, the kids forget. Kids are regularly eating trail mix, granola and peanut butter sandwiches in the same room as my son. He has to rotate classrooms, so I dread to think what cross-contamination is going on in the other rooms when he isn't present. This shoes you can NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN....YOU CAN NEVER RELAX!
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