Well, even after all of these years, we still face new challenges. So, our girls are starting a new school (K and 2nd) and we had our "allergy meetings" yesterday. I have to say that their new school seems to handle food allergies beautifully. They have systems in place and are extremely understanding and sensitive to the very real risks that food allergic families face everyday. They embrace these kids and do what they can to reduce the risk of a reaction. I was overwhelmingly impressed and look forward to a great year there.
And, then there is my son. So, our 10 year old has lived with extremely severe, multiple food allergies (peanuts, tree nuts, milk and seeds are the scariest, but there are others). Since Kindergarten, he has been at a private school where they have been so sensitive to his allergy situation. His grade--now 5th--and the younger grades, have been "nut-free" and the families have been, for the most part, very compassionate and respectful of our dietary challenges. While I was wrapping up my meetings at the girls' new school, I received a phone call from our son's new Head of School that went something like this: "Hi, I wanted to let you know that, above everything else, we care deeply about taking care of your son's dietary restrictions to be sure he is safe at school. We are sending out a letter tomorrow explaining our nut policy and our school will no longer offer 'nut-free' grades." She said it in a way that seemed as though she thought this would make me jump for joy. I felt like I had been punched in the gut--only days before the first day of school.
After 5 years of being a progressive school on the nut allergy front (at least progressive for our part of the country), the school is now not going to be nut-free (although will be offering the ever-inclusive "nut-free table") purportedly because of "liability reasons"--since they can't guarantee a completely nut-free school, they are not offering nut-free grades anymore. Really? This is the same illogical argument made by some of the airlines--because we cannot offer a completely safe environment, we are simply not going to try. I have not met a food allergic family who expects a completely safe environment. It is a matter of putting reasonable systems in place to reduce the risk of a reaction--obviously, not eliminate all risk.
So, the real reason for this post is not to bash our school for this decision--we are truly thankful for all the school has done for our son in the past. It is really to share our emotional struggle of balancing the risks of life with the faith we have in our son. You see, this policy shift is forcing us to face the reality that our son is getting older and will have to manage this for the rest of his life--on his own. We always knew that he would eventually go to a school without nut-free protections--but, in our life plan, we were a year or two away from feeling comfortable with it. We want to be sure he is mature enough to recognize a reaction early and seek help--something busy 10 year old boys may not do.
The reality is that he has been preparing for this day all his life. Living with a severe dairy allergy and attending a kosher, dairy school has forced our son to make sound, safe decisions and maneuver through risky situations. With his peanut allergy being airborne--well, this is a bit trickier and we are, admittedly, fearful. But, maybe this will turn out to be a gift for our son--the gift of continued maturity, wisdom and independence--all traits we value as a family. We don't agree with the school's decision and we are certainly not emotionally ready, but we will rise to the occasion like so many others we have faced in the past. And, as with all of life's challenges, we will be stronger for it.
Do you have similar stories you want to share? Please do.
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